Suicide: Is it selfish?

I am certain I will make people angry with this subject. It is, however, just my opinion. How I feel about this. You have your own opinion, which I would respect, just as I would hope you would respect mine.

When I was younger, I have thought about suicide all the time. I always felt out of step with my family. Why? Well, it’s simple really. I’m deaf and my family isn’t. I never felt like I was in sync with anyone. Whenever I see someone laughing or crying or even angry, I would ask what is wrong. They would tell me it’s nothing or not important. Always made me felt like I wasn’t included. I am sure they never meant to make me feel this way, but it’s there. I’m a mom and my children aren’t deaf. I love being a mom, but I always tried my best to include them in anything even when I am in the presence of deaf people. There are times where my son would ask me what is going on, I would explain to him or use my voice while signing so he doesn’t feel like he’s left out.
Do I still have suicide thoughts? Hmm, no, not all. Not since I became a mother. Why? I can’t imagine doing it and then leaving my children with no mother in their lives. That is selfish in my opinion. How can you leave your children behind? Children are the best gifts we can ask for. Yes, they can drive us nuts! They also love us unconditionally. How can we abandon them in suicide? If anything, I bet you that if a parent did suicide, their child would feel abandoned and feel that their parent didn’t love them enough. Suicide is such a taboo subject! How can we prevent suicide? How can we cure depression? How can we help those who are depressed? How can we help those who suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder)? How can we help those who have mental health issues? LOVE, PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING…. just to start with. I know we all feel unloved, unwanted, and unworthy. We all are worthy of someone. It could be your lover, spouse, relative, best friend, but our children always loves us for who we are.
We are loved, wanted and worthy to our children. ALWAYS. They ask nothing in return but our love and our fight for our struggle. Whenever I begin to feel like I am unworthy or unwanted or even, unloved, all I have to do is look at my children or their pictures (if they aren’t home), they bring a smile to my face and I say to myself, “You have a reason to be alive.” Yup, they are the reason why I am alive. I struggle every single day, but I would rather struggle than abandon them. I understand that some people truly feel like they can’t get out of the ‘water’ and take the easiest way out. That is all your choices and opinions. For myself, I made the choice to struggle and fight every single day than give in to the suicide. FOR MY CHILDREN. My love for them trumps that every day.

Thank you for reading this and taking the time to read it. Much love and peace to everyone!