Suicide: Is it selfish?

I am certain I will make people angry with this subject. It is, however, just my opinion. How I feel about this. You have your own opinion, which I would respect, just as I would hope you would respect mine.

When I was younger, I have thought about suicide all the time. I always felt out of step with my family. Why? Well, it’s simple really. I’m deaf and my family isn’t. I never felt like I was in sync with anyone. Whenever I see someone laughing or crying or even angry, I would ask what is wrong. They would tell me it’s nothing or not important. Always made me felt like I wasn’t included. I am sure they never meant to make me feel this way, but it’s there. I’m a mom and my children aren’t deaf. I love being a mom, but I always tried my best to include them in anything even when I am in the presence of deaf people. There are times where my son would ask me what is going on, I would explain to him or use my voice while signing so he doesn’t feel like he’s left out.
Do I still have suicide thoughts? Hmm, no, not all. Not since I became a mother. Why? I can’t imagine doing it and then leaving my children with no mother in their lives. That is selfish in my opinion. How can you leave your children behind? Children are the best gifts we can ask for. Yes, they can drive us nuts! They also love us unconditionally. How can we abandon them in suicide? If anything, I bet you that if a parent did suicide, their child would feel abandoned and feel that their parent didn’t love them enough. Suicide is such a taboo subject! How can we prevent suicide? How can we cure depression? How can we help those who are depressed? How can we help those who suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder)? How can we help those who have mental health issues? LOVE, PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING…. just to start with. I know we all feel unloved, unwanted, and unworthy. We all are worthy of someone. It could be your lover, spouse, relative, best friend, but our children always loves us for who we are.
We are loved, wanted and worthy to our children. ALWAYS. They ask nothing in return but our love and our fight for our struggle. Whenever I begin to feel like I am unworthy or unwanted or even, unloved, all I have to do is look at my children or their pictures (if they aren’t home), they bring a smile to my face and I say to myself, “You have a reason to be alive.” Yup, they are the reason why I am alive. I struggle every single day, but I would rather struggle than abandon them. I understand that some people truly feel like they can’t get out of the ‘water’ and take the easiest way out. That is all your choices and opinions. For myself, I made the choice to struggle and fight every single day than give in to the suicide. FOR MY CHILDREN. My love for them trumps that every day.

Thank you for reading this and taking the time to read it. Much love and peace to everyone!


We can do ANYTHING, but hear!

One of my friend, who has a deaf brother, asked me what I am going to college for.  I told him I am going to college for Nutrition Science.  He then asked me if I would be able to use that degree with me being hearing impaired.  I had to stop myself from blowing up.  Deaf and hard of hearing dislike the term, hearing impaired.  I told him yes I can and please not to use the term.  Needless to say, that no one has a problem with it was basically what he told me.  I literally had to shake my head and clear my mind.  I always try to be respectful, no matter the situation.  The way I look at it is this:  if you have a deaf brother, then don’t you think you would know that we, the deaf people, can do ANYTHING, but HEAR?!

We always strive to achieve anything we set our mind to.  If we fail, do we give up?  Hell no!  We just keep on going, sometimes trying a different way of doing it.  There are deaf lawyers, deaf psychologists, deaf teachers, and so many other careers!  What is the point of this blog?  You probably wondered.  Well, I suppose the point of this blog is to inform you that we can do anything we set our mind to, only with one difference from hearing people, and that is we CAN NOT hear.  I also wanted to inform anyone to please refrain from using the word, hearing impaired.  There is nothing wrong with us.  Just one sense loss.  Not a big deal.  Treat us equally, please.

I suppose I also needed to vent!  Haha.  I apologize.  If you have any questions about deaf, hard of hearing, or about me, anything, don’t be afraid to ask!  I prefer to have people ask than ASSUME!  Thank you for reading this blog.  Have a wonderful night!

First Year Gone!

Well, I have completed two semesters of college! I am proud to say that I have survived these harsh months of homework, driving, classes, migraines, stress, and finals!
I have achieved beyond my belief! I knew I was smart, but I didn’t realize that I truly am that smart to where I could actually pass the first year! It truly was tough! Struggling with finding the balance between homework, spending time with my son, spending time with friends, and to unwind from the stress of everything. Truly was harder than I thought, yet….. I made it! As I sit here, typing this, I am in awe of how far I have gone in the first year of my college life. It is so much more than I could possibly believe!
I went into college, thinking I wouldn’t make any friends because, well, I’m older than most students. That’s not what happened! I made several friends over the course of 9 months! I have met some serious, some witty, some hilarious, and some sweet people that I will cherish forever. I know we all will continue to stay in touch as we all go into different paths. Few of the friends I have made will be going to different college as they graduate from community college. I am so proud of them! I have tried to envision myself on the stage getting my AAS degree, but I can’t! I have never gotten a diploma on stage, but in mail. So for me to get my degree will be one unforgettable experience! To get my bachelor’s degree will be one experience that I will gladly scream from the top of my lungs!
I start my summer classes in just one month. I will continue with my journey of the college life. I will let you all know how it all goes when I have time!
To all those students, GOOD LUCK!
Always have faith!

Outrageous cost of Food

This is probably something we all have heard, but never really put it into blogs or newspaper. However, I am going to write about this farce of healthy foods and unhealthy food!

Why is it okay for McDonald or any other places to sell salad that costs more than a cheeseburger? I think it’s outrageous. How can we eat healthy? How can we stay healthy? Everywhere we look, everywhere we go, and even everywhere we smell, there’s unhealthy food tempting us! We should make cheeseburger more costly than salad is in those fast foods. Everyone complains about how we are not losing weight and yet eats those Value Meals from fast food instead of choosing healthier foods.
Are you aware that fast foods have GMO, not all organic? When you go grocery shop, there are several foods that are not all organic either. There are alot of GMO foods. It is ridiculous how we have to pay extra for all organic food than those GMO foods. We need labels on every single thing. Yet, government says we don’t have to label foods with GMO. Where is our healthy world?? Is it any wonder why the world is going down the drain? Jacking up prices on healthy foods and jacking our foods with unhealthy GMOs.

I shall say that we NEED to do something, instead of complaining about it! I want to hear what everyone has to say!! Please leave a comment!

A little poetry…..

The way you look at me

The way you touch me

The way you smile at me

Makes me crave you

You are like a drug

Not a bad thing

Just a little crazy

Cuz I sometimes lose it

My brain constantly

Goes on and on

My mind won’t stop

Thinking about you

Night and day
This was for my ex who I will always love.  Hope he’s happy and that’s all I want.