As a child, I was always ashamed of who I was. As a a deaf kid. I always felt self conscious when I signed (sign language) because I’ve seen people staring at me.
Now? As an adult, I have grown so much in learning about myself. I never had any self esteem or belief in myself. You may be wondering how. Let me tell you!
When I was just twelve years old, I decided to stop signing because I had zero self esteem in my individuality as a girl or as a deaf person. After that, I started talking anytime and anywhere. I knew I would always be deaf, but I would often times find myself wishing I was not. When I met my children’s father, boy, he knew how to use my self-conscious of my identification as a deaf woman. I didn’t realize that there was anything better. One night, just before our 8th year anniversary, I decide to break up with him. That night woke me up. I decided to try my hand on raising my little boy by myself. I was TERRIFIED of raising Harley all by myself, but I knew I had to try with him. As the days turned into weeks into months into years, I am now realizing something TODAY. Yes, today! It has been ten years since that night. As I drove down the road, I found myself thinking about how far I have come since November of 1997.
I am now a proud deaf woman living in a hearing world. I have started to use sign language in 2015. I am loving it! I have found more deaf friends and I absolutely love it with every fiber of my being. Why? Because I can now communicate smoothly without any confusion with my deaf friends. I love it! The ASL (American Sign Language) is a beautiful language.
I’ve learned that just because I am a deaf person does not mean I can not do anything. I can be a single mother. I can be a single woman. I can work in a factory with hearing people and have a normal life. I have learned so much in the last ten years. Do I regret anything? Sure! I just can’t sit around and whine about it. I battle depression and anxiety. Do I let it drag me down? Hell no. I try to rise above it. Why? Simple answer. KIDS. My children are the reason I rise above and fight against my depression/anxiety. I know there will be someone out there for me and Harley. However, I will NOT settle and will not worry about it. When it happens, it happens. If it does not, then okay, it does not. God has a plan for me.
Don’t let anyone (society) tell you that you have to do this or that when you don’t want to. It is your life. YOURS. That is what I have learned. My life is MINE. Nobody’s, but mine. I am at the point where I am like, okay, let it happen and see what happens.
Much love from me! Have a wonderful day! Until then!